Man fuck it. I aint even tryna get caught up in the rapture leading to extreme disdain. I can't stand this shit. Like why does it have to be the same cycle over and over and over.
I wish I could back to the way I was when I didn't care. I was young, dumb and happy.But with age come knowledge and I have no say in the matter. I learn from every mistake I make. But how do I snap out of this? How do I not get trapped in this never-ending perpetual oval. Ugh, it's so frustrating! I just want to be okay with being by myself. And if not that, I want to have a guy who I can tolerate. A guy who's antics do not disturb me like this. A guy who's honest, loving, working, understanding, compassionate, giving, did i mention honest? And trustworthy. I can't trust alot of people so in a relationship, trust is the alpha and the omega.
I'm pretty sure what irritates me most is the constant struggle. I've seen people find people so easy. No long drawn out process. Just one human being getting to know another. Ugh, the bullshit. I'm better off alone. Then, at least, I know who to trust. Myself.