Monday, May 3, 2010

...and then there was one

Someone please tell me the point of all this...

I struggle daily to understand my place in this universe. Where it is I fit in. I can't seem to find where I'm supposed to be. I am alone. There is no hand for me to hold, honest shoulder for me to cry on. I am a floating meteor. Where do I go when I need help, when I want to cry and need someone to talk to? Last night, I sat in a dark bedroom and sang to the Lord. I sang gospel on cold carpet by a warm window. Nothing made me feel okay. I don't know how to not feel depressed. Hiding it isn't working. I don't wanna live this way for much longer, something's gotta give. And no, I am not suicidal... I'm just alone and lonely and wishing that I was cool enough to have someone.

I've come to the conclusion that I am ugly. I can't be attractive and this alone all the time. I can't even speak up for myself. Maybe I deserve to be alone. Maybe. But I can't help that I like you. You are everything that I think I need in a dude, and I ruined it. Actually, Bacardi and Pucker ruined it, but I helped. We could've been magic, or at least friends. But now, now we're just thin air. I don't think you want to even talk to me anymore. But it's cool. I'll live. But it hurts, so bad. I ruin everything with everyone. Maybe I deserve to be alone. Maybe.