Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Gotta be sum'n for me to write this....

You know, you have the ability to drown in your own mind. It is possible.

My heart hurts, but I don't think it's broken. In fact, I don't think my heart has ever really been broken. I am a self-admitted bitch but ultimately I am female. I have feelings and layers, I am sensitive to an extent. But shit... it's easier just to be unfeeling. Crying pains the soul, it doesn't clense it. Being depressed is easier than being happy. I don't want to become my old emotional self. I like the rigid Taryn. She's ruthlessly unfeeling and unfazed. Her life is easier simply because she's detached. I love to be her, she's like my shell...my cape... my hollow exterior both hard and complete. But beneath, there are broken pieces. Tattern and worn from my teenage love affairs. What is love by the way? I digress, I could've loved him. Shit, I think I liked him alot... but when I like someone so much, I tend to push them far away. The farther the better. And the easiest way to keep them far is to convince myself that nothing will come of it. Ultimately I've done more harm to myself than help. But whatever, I can't tell someone how to live they're life. If that's what he wants cool. I guess because this is the first time I've put my heart into anything since my last relationship, it stings a little extra. Oh well, I'm alive. And I wish you luck in all that you do with whomever you plan on doing it with.

Where's the computer lab guy that i'm in love with???