....why do we love love, when love seems to hate us?

I'm completely over it and over you.

Everyones the same. No matter where I turn I end up with more of the same. No point of running into someone elses arms if they feel the same. I'd rather have no reminder at all that you existed. I'm going to start trusting myself and my ideas from now on. I don't know why I haven't been trusting myself more often than now.
I'm not going to put myself out there anymore, thats so over rated. I'm gonna remain unavailable and unemotional. I do better that way. (SOUND FAMILIAR?!) But I mean it this time. I don't want to be different any more. I want to be same old unavailable me.

When I do my hair, wear more feminine clothes, people say I'm pretty. I'm always me, but when I feel I dress the best, I get no recognition. Respect my individuality and with-hold your accolade's.

I don't want to be in love if I have to go through all the bullshit to get there. I'm just not that interested in having emotional validation. My mother loves me. My father loves me. Why do I need to stand before a gawking audience of doubled-faces and profess my love for another individual. Because this love this is supposed to result in marriage right? I don't think I can stomach the same individual for the rest of my life.

I don't want it.
And you never truly had my heart anyway.
It just sounded good to say.

...vent #207

Red and blue make.....

So that chapter is done, now what?
*stop looking over my shoulder*

I can't get over the feeling. Not the one you gave me, because quite honestly I felt the same way... we're better off how we were. I'm talking about before it was hard work just to maintain a relationship. Before shit was technical.
I want to be caught up in the bliss of ignorance again.
I remember when he said "I love you" and I had no idea what it meant. But I replied, blindly I might add, "I love you too." And from there, the snowball grew. I've dug so many holes throughout this universe, that I don't think I'll be invited into the next. I ride around, with no music (not by choice) and count. I've had that kind, that type, I think I've actually had him. And I point. I don't know why him, him either... lord I remeber that one. I can't for the life of me figure out why so many. Its innumerable how many types I've conquered. Well not  conquered persay, I'm no sexual deviant. But I've given my time, thoughts, heart, mind to so many different types, I can't seem to find a different. I want someone, something that I've never had before. I can't put my finger on it, but I know it has ten fingers and ten toes....I hope.
I just need a change.
The constant cycle is so familiar... it's killing me.

How's it going?
*from the outside looking into your box*
I love what you've done with the place.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm missing something. Like I'm the one who needs to be guided and taught the ways of your world. Its time to face it and fess up, I'm an alien. And I like it that way. I'm cliche, I do not conform to labels.

I'm dizzy because I choose not to walk on eggshells or play the background but trying to to spin out of the way is making my head hurt. So I'm gonna spend the rest of the time dancing. I'm spinning now because I'm dancing. And I'm gonna stop when my head starts hurting, because I can do that. I have the power to do so.

"What's your favorite color?"
"Blue."
What's your favorite song?"
"I don't have one."
"I miss you."
"I miss you more."
.....
-Excerpts from the conversation I had with a girl....my girl...well sort of.
It even sounds weird to say that.
But I'm used to weird.
I live there.
I like it.
And I like her.
Yeah....
Her.

Now, who's gonna tell my mom?!